Nipple Accents
Windows of Opportunity for the discerning entrepreneur.
I present to you two windows of opportunity, two can't miss money making ideas.1 These are just the beginning! But like every other internet post promising money making ideas, you’re going to have to read through some things that may or may not interest you before you get to the promised information. Like: This is my submission to the Soaring Twenties Social Club Symposium # 19. The theme is windows.
A while ago, I found myself having to explain a joke reply I posted on Notes as to why I thought an exclamation point was as feminine as it was phallic. I couldn’t stop myself from answering though it was in poor taste, it was still funny to me. I know jokes aren’t funny if you have to explain them so this one was a failure, yet I felt compelled to explain it and still did not feel in any way embarrassed.
I did delete my comments after I thought about them for a while The giant red exclamation point I posted, really did resemble a vagina and an anus, perhaps a bit too much. Nobody really wants to see that. Dick jokes are funny. Vagina jokes not so much.
This got me thinking.
Most of the nicknames for female genitalia are either embarassing or offensive. A woman takes great offense at being called a cunt, yet a man laughs at being called a dick or a prick. I would go so far as to say that he may even be slightly proud of that designation. He doesn’t want to be called a pussy, that’s for sure. Yet, in the UK, I have heard that calling another man a cunt can be a slightly amusing, partly friendly insult.2
Families have insider nicknames for their privates. Almost no one calls penises and testicles by their formal names. Even rarer is referring to the female sexual reproducive anatomy properly with it’s many nooks and crannies. Who is the rare layman whose actually knows the difference between the labias, major and minor? What or where is a vulva? Do laywomen do any better? Probably not. We may inspect them carefully as children, but the fact is we (women) can’t really see them well without assuming all kinds of awkward positions involving mirrors and flexibility. Little girls go out into the world having no idea what to properly call ‘it’ and they don’t start whispering about ‘it’ until much later than boys on average. ‘It’ remains hidden. We can’t pee our names in the snow like boys; we simply don’t talk about it. Maybe that is part of the sensitivity difference. Society’s hangups? Don’t know, don’t care. These things aren’t bothersome to me. I hope they aren’t genuinely bothersome to you, because you are a human too. But you may have more discernment and solid judgement than me. You know, you weigh carefully what you say before you say it. You’re mindful of others. You have filters.
Filters? Me? Not so much. I was born without them. A little neurodivergent? Perhaps. Despite the valiant efforts of my mother, I did NOT get in a sorority, even though she taught me how to hold my spoon correctly.
I don’t have filters, but I do have ideas. I have lots of ideas. Given a set up, I can riff stupid ideas anytime, anywhere. Occasionally one of my stupid ideas helps solve a problem that otherwise would have gone unresolved. That’s rare but it doesn’t stop me from spouting splooge a lot. Or maybe one of my ideas sparks another idea in the questioner’s mind that leads them to solve their own problem. Over the years, I’ve had many seed ideas for businesses that would be both fun and profitable. I’ve not shared these money makers with many. In fact my husband prefers I never tell a soul.3 But since the hubby has been a little testy with me lately (does that word derive from testicles?) I’m going to share two of them with you today. One with men in mind, the other designed for women. Consider them windows of opportunity, look out and see yourself making hundreds of millions. Think how cool that will be, just don’t get cocky when you’re swimming in the dough. Remember it wasn’t your idea.
One day a few years back (20 or so), I was thinking of how many names there were for penis. Not completely out of the blue, mind you, it was on a day when I had to ask my husband what the word choad meant. Never heard it til that day. Context is not important. This incident sparked an inJeanneious™ idea for a table top joke book. I was going to write the definitive dicksionary for penis synonyms A-Z, a wangthaurus if you like, an encylopenisia, smorgasbord of schlong, a wiener wonderland. My vision was a pop up type book. Each page would have a letter printed on a phallic shaped flap over laying the testicles which would be represented pictorially with a variety of round objects, fruit, balloons, balls -you get the idea.
Then you lift the flap and boing! (Ideally, I imagined just touching or stroking the flap would trigger a spring like opening, but I am NOT an engineer.) All along the now erect member the synonyms for the turgid tallywacker would be transcribed. I figured as often as men devolve conversations down to a Mr. Happy reference,4 it would be a runaway best seller. So, starting with anaconda, I diligently began my list. When I got to dong the horrid truth dawned on me. Any word could be a synonym for penis! It was all in the delivery. As long as you add the proper emphasis in the speaking, ( think a Rocky Balboa ay-ah ) a brief nod to the crotch, and a bouncing cupped hand to accompany your utterance, any word can ultimately convey that meaning. I stopped production. My impotence need not keep you from reaching the top. Perhaps your enthusiam can overcome my performance issues. I hear printed books are making a cumback.
My idea for the ladies is similarly silly. It came to me one day while watching the news on TV. I noticed that the female news anchor’s suit jackets had buttons or false pockets placed at roughly the nipple level serving no practical pupose whatsoever other than to accent the breast, specifically the nipple area. It wasn’t a eureka moment, rather it started me wondering and noticing. I began paying closer attention. I knew that both women and men appreciate the beauty and attraction of the female breast and how proper cleavage has power.
It’s completely acceptable for women to show cleavage when they have it and to smush those bad boys together with tortuous undergarments to create it when we don’t. Do you own a push up bra?
All the attention in fashion is overtly directed toward the cleavage. Yet I ask you, what about the nipple? Showing it is a no-no. Being verboten makes it more alluring, forbidden fruit, that whole thing. If you can’t show it publically, why not emphasize it? Don’t be subtle go all in. Introducing Nipple Accents a boutique fashion and accessory store carrying only clothing that accents the nipple. Shiny buttons placed strategically on suit coats, floral dresses with the brightest buds aligned accurately, false pockets placed properly, piping designed to draw the eye towards the nipple. Those would be the mainstays. On the counter, jewelry for pierced nips. In the back room we would sell the naughty bits; pasties’s , the tiny tops and of course the nippleless bras made famous by Fredrick’s. Sadly, the dotcom crash of ‘99 left me financially unable to secure the retail space in our local mall. It would have been yet another wildly succesful specialty retail store. I know irl retail is dying but it could still find success on the internet. Anything can find success on the internet! Everyday a new millionaire. Lots of girls make a better than decent living accenting their nipples and selling access to view them. Where do they buy their clothes? See, you could be rich! Don’t let the shade be pulled down on this window, fling it open, and smell the roses money!5
Don’t be a peckerhead, think outside the box.
This is a marketing ploy and it is a lie.
Were the Brits that told me this just yanking my chain?
I won’t tell you about his idea for a combo golf course, house of ill repute set up named Fores and Whores. Shhh! It’s a secret.
A one eye’d Willy reference is often nothing more than foreplay, the prequel for the always witty, always satisfying,“That’s what she said.”
I have, not coincidentally, registered the domain name nippleaccents.com but it can be aquired reasonably.
this is how startups are done 🌀🌀
I Heard TESTICLES was a Greek Philosopher who was NUTS.